12 Totally Fake Gifts We Wish Were Real

The internet can be a beautiful place. It provides us with endless opportunities to communicate with other human beings; it gives us immediate access to basically all information to ever exist; and it allows us to buy whatever we want, whenever we want it. But sometimes the internet tricks us into believing certain things are real, when they're very much not.

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We found a bunch of holiday gift items that are so ridiculously cool, we couldn't believe they're real. Wanna know why? Because they're not. They're fake and the internet has tricked us once again. So to spare you heartache as you scour the internet for holiday gift ideas and potentially come across items that are too good to be true, we went ahead and rounded up the best fake gifts we wish were real. That's how much we care about you.

12. Programmable Tattoo System

The perfect gift for anyone who desperately wants a tattoo, but has commitment issues—except it's not perfect, because it's not real.

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Think Geek brilliantly tricked people into believing that could actually apply their own professional-looking tattoo without the permanency. We love to say we didn't fall for it... but that would be a lie. Just like the tattoo system.

11. Beer Beard

Full disclosure: Even though this comes from a site called Prank Pack, for a few seconds we thought our dreams had come true.

Prank Pack

The beer beard allows for 72 ounces of your favorite refreshment to hide underneath a fake beard. Sure, people might look at you funny (you know, since you're wearing a fake beard), but an open bar on your face makes it all worth it.

But that got us to wondering: If this thing is fake, why limit it to just 72 ounces? After all, the fake design department at Fake Beer Beard Corporation wouldn't exactly complain that sticking 175 ounces of fake beer in the fake beard would break the laws of physics. Why? Becuase it's all fake. Missed opportunity, if you ask us.

10. Flavor of the Day Desktop Calendar

A lickable calendar where each day has a new flavor? Yes, please.

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Once again, Think Geek tricked us into thinking the most perfect calendar in the world could easily be ours, and we'd be able to share it with all the people we love. Why can't this amazing gift be real? Scratch 'n sniff is so 1993. Give us lick n' taste already, sweet world!

9. Star Trek White Noise Sleep Machine

If you're going to use a white noise sleep machine, it might as well emit eight different sounds from five different spaceships and project a moving starfield on your ceiling to really set the ambience.

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This futuristic looking sleep machine would be the perfect gift if it wasn't for the fact that it's every bit as fictional as the TV show it hails from. Thanks for nothing, Picard. Oh, and you too, Think Geek.

8. Blankeez

A blanket that covers up to eight people would make for a cozy family movie night on the couch... or a really interesting party move.

Prank Pack

Either way, it's not real, so you don't need to decide how you'd put the Blankeez to use.

Or is it real?

No, wait, it's totally not real.

7. Movie Polaroid Camera

Check this out. A Polaroid camera by Yanko Design. That prints actual movies by using analogue Polaroid film and digital touch technology. In a built-in movie printer that immediately prints the footage after the user has filmed it.

Yanko Design

Sound too good/weird to be true? Yep, because it is. Obviously a printed picture can't also be a movie, but hey, 3D printers are real, so anything's possible.

We're laying down a prediction right now, and you can hold us to it: Five years from now, GIF-style animations on what appear to be ordinary photo prints will be a thing. Com'on, Kickstarter.

6. Lexus V-LCRO Seat

Lexus pretended to come out with a brand new technology that velcros drivers to their seats.

The purpose, such as it is: To create a firmer bond between the car and the driver. We wouldn't buy the velcro seat for real, but if it was actually a real thing, it would make for a hilarious joke. An expensive hilarious joke.

5. Kindle Flare

The Onion's Kindle Flare is basically a regular Kindle, but has a speaker that loudly announces the title and author of the book you're reading so everyone around you knows you're smart.

Sure, it might be super annoying, but at least people will know you're educated and well-read. Then again, depending upon what you read, it could definitely go the other way as well.

4. Beard Glitter

Men shouldn't have to live their bearded lives sans decorating opportunities.

Hoaxes

That's why the Texas Beard Company created Beard Glitter—the perfect addition to any beard that needs some spicing up.

3. Postnatal Royal Auto Mobile

Everyone wants their brand new baby to have the best, most luxurious stroller around—and the Postnatal Royal Auto Mobile, designed by BMW UK, is certainly that.

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For those who are too tired to push, the stroller even comes with a N.A.P.P.I.E. (Nanny-Assisting Petrol-Powered Injection Engine).

2. Foldable Lawn Mower

Ikea is always offering flat-pack products, so why not a light-weight, foldable lawn mower that's super easy to store?

Cnet

It may not cut any actual grass, but it's adorable to look at.

1. Sony Speakers for Hamsters

Sony has apparently branched out into the world of hamster accessories. The miniature Sony speakers are perfectly sized for almost any hamster cage and will encourage lots and lots of running to nowhere inside the hamster wheel.

Cnet

Hamsters need encouragement too, you guys.